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Five Struggles You’ll Face as a Female Professional (And How to Face Them)
In honor of International Women’s Day, I wanted to shed some light on some of the struggles that female and nonbinary professionals are still facing in 2020. There are so many women that have paved the way for the rest of us over the past 40 years, but we still have a long way to go.
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In honor of International Women’s Day today, I wanted to shed some light on some of the issues that women face while advancing their career, in any industry. I have faced many of these struggles myself, but I wasn’t always so sure how to deal with them.
Whether you’re a fellow female or nonbinary professional that faces these struggles, or a male professional that is looking to support more of your fellow coworkers, here are just a few of the struggles women face in the workplace, and how to deal with them.
1. The “double bind”.
In a 2019 interview with the New York Times, Katherine Phillips discusses the “double bind” that working women face:
If they’re perceived as nice and warm and nurturing, as they’re expected to be, they don’t show what it takes to move into a leadership position. But when they take charge to get things done, they’re often seen as angrier or more aggressive than men. It’s like a tightrope women are asked to walk: Veer just a bit one way or the other, and they may fall off.
Although the double bind appears in other aspects of a woman’s career, such as asking for a raise (more on that below), this specific example rings true in leadership. It starts at a young age, too. Young girls that are assertive are seen as “bossy”, while young boys that display the same behaviors are seen as “future leaders”. The result is that female leaders are either seen as competent or likeable, but never both.
How to deal: Be an advocate for other women’s advancement in their own careers. Speak up against words or phrases in the workplace that bolster the bias. In my personal opinion, things like “she’s so emotional” or “she’s very abrasive” require responses like “By ‘emotional’ you must mean ‘passionate’” or “I think ‘assertive’ is a better word.” Also, make sure to celebrate the successes of other women in the workplace. Build (or find) a strong community of women that actively advocate for each other!
2. Experiencing burnout.
“Burnout” is a syndrome related to a lack of motivation and feelings of hopelessness. It’s linked to work-related stress by the World Health Organization (WHO).
Although men work more hours each week on average, women are actually more likely to experience burnout. This is in part due to the frustration that comes from being less likely to be given positions of power.
Burnout can have some damaging effects not only on a woman’s mental health, but also her career. With more women experiencing this syndrome, this means there are more women that choose to change careers and start all over, making it even more difficult to advance their career.
How to deal: Practice self-care and other stress-management activities to prevent bringing work home as much as possible—at least the bad parts. Prioritize yourself in your free time whenever you can.
At the same time, it’s important to recognize when enough is enough. Sharpen your skills and start looking for new opportunities with employers that celebrate women and provide a better work-life balance.
3. Being paid less money for the same work.
Not only are women still getting passed up for promotions more than men, they are still being paid less than their male counterparts that do the same work. It’s 2020 and studies still show that the gender wage gap is still a very real thing, but why?
The answer lies in the double bind we talked about earlier. When negotiating salary, women that ask for more experience social consequences. Less people are willing to be on their team. This doesn’t ring true for men, and it’s why many women just accept what they’re offered rather than negotiating a higher salary.
How to deal: Ask. For. The. Raise. Supporting yourself and knowing your worth is so much more important than being accepted by biased coworkers. Along the same vein, be sure you’re not also practicing this bias; encourage and advocate for your female counterparts that negotiate better pay. As women, we need to work together and do what we can to shrink the gender pay gap.
4. Not having a female mentor.
One thing I regret when I began my career in marketing was not looking for a female mentor sooner. With more men in power than women, it can be tricky to find a strong female mentor that knows you and your goals and will push you to reach them. Although there is nothing wrong with having a mentor in your career who is male, it can be challenging for men to fully understand the struggles that you face as a woman.
How to deal: Freda Lewis-Hall, Executive Vice President and Chief Medical Officer of Pfizer, advises building a “board of directors” for your career. Here is what this board consists of:
Mentors - who “know your heart” and can give you advice not just in your career, but in your personal life too.
Coaches - who “help you close specific gaps” in your skillset.
Sponsors - who will “put their name on the line for you” and advocate for you for new opportunities.
Role Models - who you may not have ever met, but still choose to emulate.
Prioritize networking with other female professionals—both within and outside of your industry—to build this “board of directors”. These roles can be filled by both men and women, and don’t need to be filled by those who “rank” higher than you in your career either!
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5. Guilt about your work-life balance and having a family.
Women are still largely seen as caretakers in the household. Sure, we are typically more nurturing than men, but that doesn’t mean we should feel so guilty about working just as many hours (or less hours) than men do!
Men still experience guilt when they’re at work and away from their families or children, but our society doesn’t feed into this guilt with men the way they do with women. Women today are still asked to essentially choose between being a mom or having a successful career, and it doesn’t help that the US has one of the worst maternity leave policies in the world (with a grand total of zero weeks of paid maternity leave).
How to deal: Samantha Walravens, author of Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, provides some tips in an article for Johnson & Johnson: Set clear boundaries between work and home, and make sure to communicate with your boss or your partner at home if you need help with something. Keep in mind that any time you’re prioritizing the needs of your family, there is no need to feel guilty. Also, don’t compare yourself to other women that you might think are “superwoman”. Instead, cheer her on and support her.
Sometimes the hardest part of dealing with these struggles is thinking you’re alone in fighting these battles. Keep in mind that other women and nonbinary professionals across the country deal with these issues every day. Seek out support from these other professionals by going to female-focused networking events and building a support system. You don’t have to face these issues alone!
Five Ways to Overcome the Sunday Scaries
90% of American professionals say they have experienced the Sunday Scaries—the anxiety that comes on Sunday afternoons in anticipation of the dreaded Monday morning. This comes from the pressure to be productive during our Monday-through-Friday work week. Thankfully, there some methods you can use to take back your weekend and overcome the Sunday Scaries once and for all.
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It’s Sunday afternoon, and your mind is racing.
You want to enjoy the rest of your weekend, but all you can think about is the start of the work week tomorrow. You might be regretting that you weren’t more productive this weekend or thinking about your growing task list for the work week. This anticipatory anxiety could cut your relaxing, already-too-short weekend even shorter than it needs to be.
If you find yourself experiencing similar feelings on Sundays, you’re not alone. According to a recent study by LinkedIn, 80% of professionals experience something called the “Sunday Scaries”, which is a feeling of anxiety that builds up around the end of the weekend.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you hate your job. This “low-grade, existential dread”—as one professional describes it in an article by The Atlantic—comes in anticipation of having to be “on” for five days in a row, which feels like a lot of pressure after a weekend of being “off”.
Transitioning from a weekend of freedom to the work week of responsibilities is never very pleasant, but it doesn’t have to fill you with dread. Here are some tactics that can help you overcome the Sunday Scaries.
1. Use your Fridays to make Monday more bearable.
Many professionals use Friday as a “catch-up” day to finish up any projects that need some loose ends tied up. Take it a step further and begin to plan the next work week before it even starts! Write down a list of tasks and goals for the week on Friday afternoon so that when you come in on Monday, you already have an idea of what to focus on.
Take it a step further on Fridays by asking yourself if there are any items on that task list that you can get a head start on. Don’t let your brain turn off for the weekend before starting (or even completing!) one of those tasks. You’ve won Monday morning before you’ve had your coffee!
2. Plan something (other than chores) for Sunday.
Take some time on Sunday to do something you actually enjoy. I love writing, and that’s why I write my blog posts on Sunday afternoons. It keeps my mind from worrying about the upcoming work week, and it really relaxes me.
Other things you can plan are a nice walk outside with the dog, lunch or dinner with a friend, a movie with your partner, or cooking your favorite meal. Stop freaking out about the task list that you may or may not have gotten to this weekend and spend some time actually relaxing. If you’ve spent ANY time of your weekend relaxing, you’ve already been more productive by taking care of yourself!
3. Focus more on the positives about Mondays.
Tackle Monday mornings on Sunday by practicing positive self talk. Find the things you really like about your job and put more focus on thinking about those things and creating more to look forward to. These positives can be anything from working on a fun project to enjoying the delicious (free) coffee from the office’s new coffee machine.
Make your Mondays even better by building the habit of putting on a motivational podcast for your morning commute or grabbing a bagel from your favorite coffee joint on the way. Treating yourself isn’t only reserved for the weekends!
If you struggle with finding the positives of your job, change your focus to your longer-term professional goals. If you’re trying to get promoted, focus on the tasks you will complete this week to help you get there. If you’re looking at other opportunities, think about what you are and can be doing to gain new skills needed for another role.
4. Develop a relaxing routine to help you wind down.
Find something you can do on Sunday night to help you clear your head and transition to a productive week. I’m not saying to start a yoga and meditation routine, although that is one direction you can go!
This routine should primarily focus on relaxation, and different people find different things to be relaxing. You might make some tea, take a bath, and watch YouTube videos, or you might go for a run. The important thing is that it’s some sort of structure to your night that helps you transition to more structure in your upcoming work week.
5. Get plenty of sleep on Sunday nights.
Shooting for 8 hours of sleep might seem like a no-brainer, but it can be difficult to put into practice when your mind is racing and you can’t fall asleep. Make sure to turn off the electronic devices and get to bed a little earlier than usual on Sunday night to ensure that you’re able to start Monday off well-rested and energized. Some will carve out some time before bed to write down their thoughts in a journal to help clear their mind. Either way, remember that sleep is the best medicine, so make sure to prioritize that over your to-do list.
Although there are many great benefits of having a 9-to-5 job with a regular schedule, it also has its own setbacks. The American work culture is plagued with a lot of pressure on professionals to be ultra productive during their Monday-through-Friday work week. The Sunday Scaries may trouble most professionals, but there are ways to prevent them from cutting our weekends short!
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[FREE Worksheet] How to Ask for a Raise in Your Annual Performance Review
Let’s face it: asking for a raise can be super uncomfortable. We’ve been conditioned to avoid talking about money in our work culture. However, in order to help decrease the gender pay gap, it’s so important for women to ask for that raise each and every year. Learn how to prepare for your annual performance review so that you can confidently earn that raise!
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According to Harvard Business Review, men and women ask for raises just as frequently as one another. However, women who ask for a raise are successful 15% of the time, while men are successful 20% of the time. This may seem like a minimal difference, but when you think about this occurring every year, the differences can really add up. It’s more important than ever for women to keep asking for that raise each year (or at the conclusion of a successful project) in order to help close the gender pay gap.
In my personal experience, women feel super uncomfortable with this conversation. At the request of one of my subscribers, I wanted to talk about some best practices for preparing for your annual review, which typically entails asking for a raise. As someone who has been on both sides of the table in this situation, I recommend spending a decent amount of time on preparing for your annual review by answering some questions about what you’ve spent time on since your last review.
Re-evaluate your official responsibilities.
Hopefully you have an official job description that explicitly outlines your responsibilities and metrics for success. How does this description align with what you have been spending time on this past year? Have you been doing more outside of your normal duties? Are there job responsibilities that you should pay more attention to? Don’t be afraid to highlight those as well, as you will want to come out of this review with a clear plan of action and list of goals. Plus, it shows that you’re dedicated to continuous improvement as an employee.
Additionally, take a look at your strong points. What part of your job have you done exceptionally well at? Identify some good characteristics that make you a strong member of the team.
What have you accomplished since your last review?
Take a good look at the major projects you’ve been working on in the past year. Which of these have been completed? What were the results for the organization? How many of these projects did you take a leading role on? Start by listing every project you can think of, then narrowing down the list to 3-5 major accomplishments that you can spend some time discussing.
Many supervisors tend to be data-driven, so highlight the projects that you have successful metrics on. Your managers will be impressed with any data that you’ve collected, especially if it hasn’t already been brought to their attention before. This helps further the case that you deserve a raise.
What goals did you set in your last review? Did you reach them?
If this isn’t your first performance review at your company, you probably have a list of goals that were set in your last review. Which of these goals did you reach? If applicable, you can also talk about how you helped any teammates reach their goals as well.
For the goals that you didn’t reach, why were you unsuccessful? This could be a good opportunity to get some guidance from management. However, there may be circumstances that were outside of your control that prevented you from reaching these goals, which leads us to the next question.
What resources do you need more of to do your job?
Your annual review is as much of a review of your managers’ performance as it is your own. Give honest feedback to your supervisor(s) about what resources or attention you need from them to help you reach your goals for the next year.
This isn’t a time to be passive aggressive or complain about circumstances outside of the company’s control, however. Be respectful and constructive in your feedback, and you can’t go wrong. Any reasonable manager will appreciate honesty and action items of their own.
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What are some goals you can work on in the next year?
You’ll probably finalize these goals in conjunction with your supervisor(s) in your review, but it’s a good idea to go into it with some ideas. Again, this shows that you’ve put some thought and preparation into this review and that you’re dedicated to success.
Bring it all together and ask for the raise!
All that’s left now is to write down and practice how you will ask for a raise. Check out my free worksheet linked below that will help you work through each of these questions. Then, do some research on average salaries of other professionals in your area with similar roles. Use this to base your asking rate off of (and make sure to cite your sources when asking for the raise in your review).
You don’t want to go into your review without a number in mind. This is the time to be aggressive and confident! Your supervisor(s) will probably come back with a counter-offer, so don’t sell yourself short.
Although many people find asking for a raise—or talking about money in general—super uncomfortable. The more you practice and take control of the situation, the easier it will become each year. Trust me, your managers will love when you come into your reviews prepared. It not only helps the meeting run more smoothly, but reminds them why they hired you in the first place!
Free Annual Review Worksheet:
Fill out the form below to grab a free copy of my annual performance review worksheet!
Three Steps to Eliminating Impostor Syndrome
If you’ve ever received praise for your accomplishments, yet still doubt your abilities and achievements, you probably suffer from impostor syndrome. This behavior has been studied by psychology professionals for years, and thankfully, there are ways to overcome it.
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If you’re a high-achieving professional that has ever doubted yourself and the accomplishments that you’ve made in your career, you have likely experienced impostor syndrome. First identified by scientists in the 1970s, impostor syndrome refers to a particular form of self-doubt: feeling like you’re unqualified for your current position, or that you’re a fraud or a failure despite evidence that proves otherwise. Even achievers like Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein showed signs of this phenomenon after all that they had accomplished in their lives.
A 2011 study estimates that 70% of people will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lifetime. Beth Andrix Monaghan, CEO and Co-Founder of InkHouse, points out that this behavior often follows high-achieving women. This is due to an inherited societal prejudice against women in positions of power, causing us to scrutinize ourselves more closely for shortcomings and mistakes.
Since I was promoted to my current position as Marketing Manager at Mobile Defenders, there have been plenty of times where I suffered from impostor syndrome. I felt like I only got where I am because of some sort of quota for women in management positions at the company. I know that no such quota exists, and that my ability to manage projects and connect with our customer base is what got me here. Even so, I would sometimes find myself wanting to perfect every single project that I touched in order to prove to others—and myself—that I earned my place in my leadership position.
What does Impostor Syndrome feel like?
If you Google “impostor syndrome”, you’ll probably stumble across a number of links to quizzes that will tell you if you suffer from this phenomenon. Really, though, it boils down to asking yourself some questions.
Do you feel like you’ve somehow cheated to get to the position that you are in?
Do you feel like you’re not qualified for your current position?
Do you feel like a fraud and that it’s only a matter of time before people find you out?
Do you feel like you’ve gotten where you are in your career because of chance or luck?
If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, it’s likely that you’ve suffered from impostor syndrome.
Dr. Valerie Young is an expert in this phenomenon. She discovered that those suffering from impostor syndrome mainly fall into one of five categories:
The Perfectionist, who focuses on how something is done, and doesn’t rest until the task is 100% completed perfectly.
The Superwoman/man, whose concern is how many roles they can juggle at once, and measures success this way.
The Natural Genius, who cares most about how and when things are completed, but also how easily this success is achieved.
The Soloist, who is focused on who completes the task, and sees success in figuring things out and doing them alone.
The Expert is concerned about what and how much someone knows about something. They are similar to the perfectionist but are more focused on knowing everything about something.
It may not be as obvious to you which type of impostor syndrome you suffer from, and that’s okay. For me, I sometimes feel like I am a combination of all five of these personality types. Thankfully, there is a simple mindset change that can solve for any of these personality types.
How can I overcome Impostor Syndrome?
Kara Loewentheil offers a great three-step process for dealing with impostor syndrome, but first, she explains what doesn’t solve impostor syndrome. Things like validation from others may provide some initial relief, but are typically immediately self-discounted. Additionally, telling yourself positive things like “I am really great at what I do” doesn’t work long-term when you don’t really believe it.
Kara’s solution requires victims of impostor syndrome to rewire their brain and their thoughts to gradually boost their self-confidence. Here is her three-step process, which she calls the Thought Ladder:
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First, pick one thought that you have about yourself. This can be something like “I am unqualified for my job” or “Everyone else in my department is so much smarter and more successful than me.” Stick with only one thought at a time, and put this thought at the bottom of the ladder.
Second, brainstorm your Goal Thought, or what you wish you really believed about yourself. Think of something like “I earned my way to this leadership position” or “I am just as successful, if not more successful, than everyone else in my department.” This Goal Thought goes at the very top of your ladder.
Lastly, think of thoughts you can start to believe right now. These can be a bit more neutral, but they help you work your way to believing your Goal Thought. These thoughts can be things like “I just had a really positive performance review” or “My supervisor promoted me to this position because I work hard.” These thoughts don’t have to make you feel incredible, but they can help you feel better than the thought at the bottom of your ladder. Think of them as a bridge between your current thought and your Goal Thought.
You can repeat this process with as many negative thoughts that you have. Write down your Ladder Thoughts where you can easily remember them, such as on your bathroom mirror or as a reminder on your phone.
I had been a victim of the impostor syndrome without even realizing it. Even when I would receive praise and positive feedback from my peers and supervisors, I still struggled with believing that I was truly deserving of the praise. It helped to finally understand that this behavior is not only common amongst other professionals, but that there are steps that I can take to combat it.
If you think you might have impostor syndrome, you’re not alone! Follow Kara’s three-step Thought Ladder process, and remind yourself every day that you’re better than your mind might have you believe.
Five Tips for Women Working in a Male-Dominated Field
More women are joining male-dominated workforces. This is great news, but doesn’t come without setbacks. Women are working against pre-conceived notions of what their role in the workplace is. Here are some of my tried-and-true tips on how to navigate being outnumbered in a male-dominated industry.
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In 2018, the Institute for Women’s Policy Research reported that male-dominated occupations have the tendency to pay more than women-dominated occupations. As it stands, more women work as nurses and teachers, and more men work as financial officers and engineers. However, a 2016 study shows that women’s job growth is highest in these male-dominated fields. This is great news, but women in transition to these industries will experience their own setbacks.
Catalyst lists some of these challenges for women working in a male-dominated workforce:
Being seen as a threat to the norm
Being seen as the “office housekeeper”
Having fewer mentoring opportunities
Having less of a voice
Experiencing a lack of support (both emotionally and financially)
Experiencing sexual harassment in the workplace
With all of these things stacked up against us working in a male-driven occupation, what can we possibly do? Here are a few tips that have helped me get by in a male-dominated industry.
Speak Up (A LOT)...
If there’s anything I’ve learned in the years I’ve worked in my current workplace, it’s that standing up for yourself and what you believe in is the most important thing you can do. Even if you feel you don’t have a voice in your company, you are in control of finding it. Remember that your insight is just as important as any of your other coworkers’.
That’s not all, though; don’t be afraid of sounding harsh! Women that stand up for themselves are sometimes seen as “bossy”, whereas men that make the same moves aren’t. If you’re ever afraid of coming on too strong, just imagine what might happen if one of your male coworkers says the same thing. As you speak up and provide your honest opinion more and more, you will earn respect from the right people.
...But Also, Listen
The best leaders are active listeners and learners. If you’re looking to earn respect and move up in your company, be sure to listen to what your coworkers have to say, especially those that have worked in your field for a long time. Those insights are crucial in helping you learn more, especially if you’re still new to the industry. Additionally, actively listening to some of the problems your coworkers or company is facing provides you with an opportunity to help brainstorm solutions. I’m a firm believer that collaboration—across all employee levels—breeds better work.
Branch Out
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If you’re anything like me, you may work better under a strong female leader or mentor. In fact, a recent study by Peakon shows that companies led by women have happier workforces. Even if your company doesn’t have a female leader or potential mentor for you, that doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. Go to networking events in your community to meet and collaborate with other women in your field (or outside of your field). Mentors don’t always have to be part of the same workplace or industry as you. Look for someone that is where you’d like to be in the future, and see what you can learn from her.
Learn to Brag
One of the biggest roadblocks I have faced in my current position hasn’t been an outside force at all—it has been myself. Especially earlier on in my career (and even today), I have struggled with my own self-confidence. As we’ve already covered: your insight is important! Don’t fall victim to imposter syndrome. One thing that has helped me get over this is learning to brag about myself. It sounds weird, but sometimes I practice by thinking to myself about all of the things I have been able to accomplish in my career. When you’re listing these accomplishments, remember that they’re YOUR accomplishments that YOU earned because YOU’RE awesome at what you do!
Think Like a Leader
Even if you’re still pursuing a leadership position at your company, you can still act as a great leader by engaging in high-level, thought-provoking conversations with your peers and leaders. Take the time to brainstorm new and creative solutions to problems that may even be outside of your typical area of supervision. I developed my company’s first marketing efforts when I was still working in customer service by taking the initiative to send out promotional email newsletters to our customers. Now, I’m leading the marketing efforts of four brands (and loving it way more than customer service). Step outside of your comfort zone to gain the attention of upper management. If you take a chance, they’ll be more likely to take a chance on you.
Catalyst reports that most women deal with a male-dominated workforce in one of three ways: keeping a distance from their colleagues, acting like “one of the boys”, or leaving the industry altogether. I hope that my tried-and-true tips help you move up in your industry without having to resort to one of those coping mechanisms. If it helps, remember that you’re working towards a more equal and inclusive workforce, and that’s really cool!
Hi! I’m Jennie.
Thank you for visiting my blog! I write about marketing tips for small businesses and how to succeed as a female professional. I write from experience about the things that I love.