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Five Struggles You’ll Face as a Female Professional (And How to Face Them)
In honor of International Women’s Day, I wanted to shed some light on some of the struggles that female and nonbinary professionals are still facing in 2020. There are so many women that have paved the way for the rest of us over the past 40 years, but we still have a long way to go.
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
In honor of International Women’s Day today, I wanted to shed some light on some of the issues that women face while advancing their career, in any industry. I have faced many of these struggles myself, but I wasn’t always so sure how to deal with them.
Whether you’re a fellow female or nonbinary professional that faces these struggles, or a male professional that is looking to support more of your fellow coworkers, here are just a few of the struggles women face in the workplace, and how to deal with them.
1. The “double bind”.
In a 2019 interview with the New York Times, Katherine Phillips discusses the “double bind” that working women face:
If they’re perceived as nice and warm and nurturing, as they’re expected to be, they don’t show what it takes to move into a leadership position. But when they take charge to get things done, they’re often seen as angrier or more aggressive than men. It’s like a tightrope women are asked to walk: Veer just a bit one way or the other, and they may fall off.
Although the double bind appears in other aspects of a woman’s career, such as asking for a raise (more on that below), this specific example rings true in leadership. It starts at a young age, too. Young girls that are assertive are seen as “bossy”, while young boys that display the same behaviors are seen as “future leaders”. The result is that female leaders are either seen as competent or likeable, but never both.
How to deal: Be an advocate for other women’s advancement in their own careers. Speak up against words or phrases in the workplace that bolster the bias. In my personal opinion, things like “she’s so emotional” or “she’s very abrasive” require responses like “By ‘emotional’ you must mean ‘passionate’” or “I think ‘assertive’ is a better word.” Also, make sure to celebrate the successes of other women in the workplace. Build (or find) a strong community of women that actively advocate for each other!
2. Experiencing burnout.
“Burnout” is a syndrome related to a lack of motivation and feelings of hopelessness. It’s linked to work-related stress by the World Health Organization (WHO).
Although men work more hours each week on average, women are actually more likely to experience burnout. This is in part due to the frustration that comes from being less likely to be given positions of power.
Burnout can have some damaging effects not only on a woman’s mental health, but also her career. With more women experiencing this syndrome, this means there are more women that choose to change careers and start all over, making it even more difficult to advance their career.
How to deal: Practice self-care and other stress-management activities to prevent bringing work home as much as possible—at least the bad parts. Prioritize yourself in your free time whenever you can.
At the same time, it’s important to recognize when enough is enough. Sharpen your skills and start looking for new opportunities with employers that celebrate women and provide a better work-life balance.
3. Being paid less money for the same work.
Not only are women still getting passed up for promotions more than men, they are still being paid less than their male counterparts that do the same work. It’s 2020 and studies still show that the gender wage gap is still a very real thing, but why?
The answer lies in the double bind we talked about earlier. When negotiating salary, women that ask for more experience social consequences. Less people are willing to be on their team. This doesn’t ring true for men, and it’s why many women just accept what they’re offered rather than negotiating a higher salary.
How to deal: Ask. For. The. Raise. Supporting yourself and knowing your worth is so much more important than being accepted by biased coworkers. Along the same vein, be sure you’re not also practicing this bias; encourage and advocate for your female counterparts that negotiate better pay. As women, we need to work together and do what we can to shrink the gender pay gap.
4. Not having a female mentor.
One thing I regret when I began my career in marketing was not looking for a female mentor sooner. With more men in power than women, it can be tricky to find a strong female mentor that knows you and your goals and will push you to reach them. Although there is nothing wrong with having a mentor in your career who is male, it can be challenging for men to fully understand the struggles that you face as a woman.
How to deal: Freda Lewis-Hall, Executive Vice President and Chief Medical Officer of Pfizer, advises building a “board of directors” for your career. Here is what this board consists of:
Mentors - who “know your heart” and can give you advice not just in your career, but in your personal life too.
Coaches - who “help you close specific gaps” in your skillset.
Sponsors - who will “put their name on the line for you” and advocate for you for new opportunities.
Role Models - who you may not have ever met, but still choose to emulate.
Prioritize networking with other female professionals—both within and outside of your industry—to build this “board of directors”. These roles can be filled by both men and women, and don’t need to be filled by those who “rank” higher than you in your career either!
Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash
5. Guilt about your work-life balance and having a family.
Women are still largely seen as caretakers in the household. Sure, we are typically more nurturing than men, but that doesn’t mean we should feel so guilty about working just as many hours (or less hours) than men do!
Men still experience guilt when they’re at work and away from their families or children, but our society doesn’t feed into this guilt with men the way they do with women. Women today are still asked to essentially choose between being a mom or having a successful career, and it doesn’t help that the US has one of the worst maternity leave policies in the world (with a grand total of zero weeks of paid maternity leave).
How to deal: Samantha Walravens, author of Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, provides some tips in an article for Johnson & Johnson: Set clear boundaries between work and home, and make sure to communicate with your boss or your partner at home if you need help with something. Keep in mind that any time you’re prioritizing the needs of your family, there is no need to feel guilty. Also, don’t compare yourself to other women that you might think are “superwoman”. Instead, cheer her on and support her.
Sometimes the hardest part of dealing with these struggles is thinking you’re alone in fighting these battles. Keep in mind that other women and nonbinary professionals across the country deal with these issues every day. Seek out support from these other professionals by going to female-focused networking events and building a support system. You don’t have to face these issues alone!
Five Ways to Overcome the Sunday Scaries
90% of American professionals say they have experienced the Sunday Scaries—the anxiety that comes on Sunday afternoons in anticipation of the dreaded Monday morning. This comes from the pressure to be productive during our Monday-through-Friday work week. Thankfully, there some methods you can use to take back your weekend and overcome the Sunday Scaries once and for all.
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It’s Sunday afternoon, and your mind is racing.
You want to enjoy the rest of your weekend, but all you can think about is the start of the work week tomorrow. You might be regretting that you weren’t more productive this weekend or thinking about your growing task list for the work week. This anticipatory anxiety could cut your relaxing, already-too-short weekend even shorter than it needs to be.
If you find yourself experiencing similar feelings on Sundays, you’re not alone. According to a recent study by LinkedIn, 80% of professionals experience something called the “Sunday Scaries”, which is a feeling of anxiety that builds up around the end of the weekend.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you hate your job. This “low-grade, existential dread”—as one professional describes it in an article by The Atlantic—comes in anticipation of having to be “on” for five days in a row, which feels like a lot of pressure after a weekend of being “off”.
Transitioning from a weekend of freedom to the work week of responsibilities is never very pleasant, but it doesn’t have to fill you with dread. Here are some tactics that can help you overcome the Sunday Scaries.
1. Use your Fridays to make Monday more bearable.
Many professionals use Friday as a “catch-up” day to finish up any projects that need some loose ends tied up. Take it a step further and begin to plan the next work week before it even starts! Write down a list of tasks and goals for the week on Friday afternoon so that when you come in on Monday, you already have an idea of what to focus on.
Take it a step further on Fridays by asking yourself if there are any items on that task list that you can get a head start on. Don’t let your brain turn off for the weekend before starting (or even completing!) one of those tasks. You’ve won Monday morning before you’ve had your coffee!
2. Plan something (other than chores) for Sunday.
Take some time on Sunday to do something you actually enjoy. I love writing, and that’s why I write my blog posts on Sunday afternoons. It keeps my mind from worrying about the upcoming work week, and it really relaxes me.
Other things you can plan are a nice walk outside with the dog, lunch or dinner with a friend, a movie with your partner, or cooking your favorite meal. Stop freaking out about the task list that you may or may not have gotten to this weekend and spend some time actually relaxing. If you’ve spent ANY time of your weekend relaxing, you’ve already been more productive by taking care of yourself!
3. Focus more on the positives about Mondays.
Tackle Monday mornings on Sunday by practicing positive self talk. Find the things you really like about your job and put more focus on thinking about those things and creating more to look forward to. These positives can be anything from working on a fun project to enjoying the delicious (free) coffee from the office’s new coffee machine.
Make your Mondays even better by building the habit of putting on a motivational podcast for your morning commute or grabbing a bagel from your favorite coffee joint on the way. Treating yourself isn’t only reserved for the weekends!
If you struggle with finding the positives of your job, change your focus to your longer-term professional goals. If you’re trying to get promoted, focus on the tasks you will complete this week to help you get there. If you’re looking at other opportunities, think about what you are and can be doing to gain new skills needed for another role.
4. Develop a relaxing routine to help you wind down.
Find something you can do on Sunday night to help you clear your head and transition to a productive week. I’m not saying to start a yoga and meditation routine, although that is one direction you can go!
This routine should primarily focus on relaxation, and different people find different things to be relaxing. You might make some tea, take a bath, and watch YouTube videos, or you might go for a run. The important thing is that it’s some sort of structure to your night that helps you transition to more structure in your upcoming work week.
5. Get plenty of sleep on Sunday nights.
Shooting for 8 hours of sleep might seem like a no-brainer, but it can be difficult to put into practice when your mind is racing and you can’t fall asleep. Make sure to turn off the electronic devices and get to bed a little earlier than usual on Sunday night to ensure that you’re able to start Monday off well-rested and energized. Some will carve out some time before bed to write down their thoughts in a journal to help clear their mind. Either way, remember that sleep is the best medicine, so make sure to prioritize that over your to-do list.
Although there are many great benefits of having a 9-to-5 job with a regular schedule, it also has its own setbacks. The American work culture is plagued with a lot of pressure on professionals to be ultra productive during their Monday-through-Friday work week. The Sunday Scaries may trouble most professionals, but there are ways to prevent them from cutting our weekends short!
"No Crying in the Office": How to be a Leader While Coping with Grief
We may be leaders, but we are also imperfect, emotional human beings. Whether you’re looking for comfort while coping with grief, or the tools to help you lead an employee that has suffered a loss, remember that you’re not alone. Asking for help, crying, or looking for a distraction are all ways that professionals can cope with grief. Keeping these things in mind will help you become a stronger and more compassionate leader, too.
Photo by Jorge Aguilar on Unsplash
I lost my dad last month.
When we’re younger, we think about what it might be like when we have to say goodbye to our parents one day. For me, it always seemed so far away—farther than it really was. My dad had been sick for months, and we all knew that we would soon have to say goodbye. Even so, nothing could prepare me for this feeling.
As a leader, it can be hard enough to leave work behind each day. It’s even harder to leave work behind for weeks while you mourn, spend time with family, and make any necessary funeral preparations. As someone who has recently been through this, I can tell you that you’ll feel really torn between work and family throughout the entire process.
Think of it this way, though: for me to be an effective leader for my team, I had to take some time for myself to properly heal. That way, when I returned to work, I would be able to better serve them than if I had tried to suppress the reality of what had happened. Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your team, especially one that needs a strong leader. If you don’t focus on healing, you won’t be as effective.
Here are some things that I learned throughout this process. I hope that they help you if and when you are going through a tough time. I also hope these things help you create a workplace that is safer for grief. After all, you are employing human beings.
It’s Okay (and a Good Idea) to Ask for Help
Some would describe me as a “Type A” kind of person. It’s really difficult for me to ask for help with anything. Whether it’s because I feel like I have something to prove, or if it’s because I don’t want to be a burden, I just hate asking people for things. I had to change my mindset about asking for help a few years ago.
Here’s what you can do: think about the joy that you feel when you help someone. Think about those really rewarding, happy feelings you get when someone’s face lights up and says “Thank you”. Now, imagine that when you don’t allow someone to help you, you’re preventing them from feeling that way. By refusing to accept help, you’re putting up a wall that prevents others from feeling really good. If you want to help others, let them help you!
When you’ve lost someone, your friends and coworkers will get really weird and might not know what to say or do. Just know that they truly want to help you, so ask them for help! Delegate any urgent tasks to the people on your team or your colleagues. Move back any meetings that you need to be present for. If you work directly with any clients, send an email explaining your situation and providing the contact information of someone on your team for them to connect with. Everyone will understand. Then, make sure you let everyone know how much you appreciate their help.
The Grieving Process Takes Time
I took about a week and a half off from work to be with my family, plan for my dad’s funeral, and just be by myself. It wasn’t long enough. I wasn’t ready to go back to work when I did.
You’ll probably feel the same way when you go back to work, too. This is normal.
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross explains the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. They are:
Denial: refusing to accept the loss
Anger: feeling frustrated with the situation, or with other situations
Bargaining: thinking that changing something will reverse the loss
Depression: feeling discouraged or unmotivated to do anything
Acceptance: feeling more emotionally stable after coming to terms with the loss
Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash
Not everyone experiences all of these stages, and not in this order either. The important thing to remember is that grief is a nonlinear process that affects everyone differently. As a professional, some may feel the need to disengage from work completely, while others will welcome distractions. I mostly lean to the latter, which brings me to the next thing that I learned.
Distractions Can be Good
Some of my colleagues begged me not to think about work, let alone answer an email. They meant well, but something I found through this process was that there were times where I really needed to focus on something else. As with anything, though, there needs to be a balance. Don’t fill all of your time with these distractions from reality. Rather, think about it like taking a break from taking a break.
Whether you’re leading an individual that is coping with grief, or coping with grief yourself, it’s important to remain flexible. Don’t get mad or feel guilty about that email being answered. You (or your employee) need to listen to your body. It will take time before you can fully dive back in, but taking a break every once in a while to perform a small task can help with that transition.
Crying (or Not Crying) is Normal
I am a cryer. I still have flashbacks of my high school softball coach screaming “There’s no crying in baseball!” when I had a minor meltdown after a line drive sailed right past me at first base. Knowing this, I knew that I would cry a lot through this process—unpredictably at that.
Like I said before, grief is a nonlinear process. A friend of mine shared an analogy about grief that I didn’t realize how accurate it was until I lost my dad. Imagine a ball in a box. There is a red button inside the box that represents the pain that comes with grief. In the beginning, the ball is huge and hits the button over and over again. Over time, the ball gets smaller, but that doesn’t stop it from hitting the button every once in a while, hurting just as much as before.
When the ball hits my button, I cry. Not everyone cries when they feel this pain or sadness, but it’s important to remember that it can’t always be predicted. I have cried at the office. I wish I hadn’t, but doing it was better than trying to suppress it.
You may be a leader, but you’re also human. Crying in front of your coworkers or employees shouldn’t be seen as a sign of weakness. If you’re reading this, make a promise to yourself right now that you won’t think negatively of someone that cries at work. It’s not a sign of vulnerability—it’s a sign of humanity.
Things WILL Change, and You Need to Accept it
You’ve suffered a loss in your life, and your life will inevitably change. Nothing and no one will ever be able to replace my dad; I will miss him every single day. Losing him has changed my perspective on a lot of things, and has shaped me as a leader and a professional.
Marissa Levin wrote an amazing article for Inc. about how grief changes you as a leader. To summarize her beautiful words (which I suggest you read for yourself here), losing a loved one helps you gain a new perspective as a leader. You learn to appreciate time, to take risks, to be more compassionate, and to not sweat the small stuff.
If you’re reading this because you lost a loved one (or have a relationship with someone who did), know that it’s normal to feel ill-prepared. We may be leaders, but we are also imperfect, emotional human beings. Whether you’re looking for comfort while coping with grief, or the tools to help you lead an employee that has suffered a loss, remember that you’re not alone. Asking for help, crying, or looking for a distraction are all ways that professionals can cope with grief. Keeping these things in mind will help you become a stronger and more compassionate leader too.
Hi! I’m Jennie.
Thank you for visiting my blog! I write about marketing tips for small businesses and how to succeed as a female professional. I write from experience about the things that I love.