Five Ways to Overcome the Sunday Scaries

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It’s Sunday afternoon, and your mind is racing. 

You want to enjoy the rest of your weekend, but all you can think about is the start of the work week tomorrow. You might be regretting that you weren’t more productive this weekend or thinking about your growing task list for the work week. This anticipatory anxiety could cut your relaxing, already-too-short weekend even shorter than it needs to be.

If you find yourself experiencing similar feelings on Sundays, you’re not alone. According to a recent study by LinkedIn, 80% of professionals experience something called the “Sunday Scaries”, which is a feeling of anxiety that builds up around the end of the weekend.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you hate your job. This “low-grade, existential dread”—as one professional describes it in an article by The Atlantic—comes in anticipation of having to be “on” for five days in a row, which feels like a lot of pressure after a weekend of being “off”.

Transitioning from a weekend of freedom to the work week of responsibilities is never very pleasant, but it doesn’t have to fill you with dread. Here are some tactics that can help you overcome the Sunday Scaries.

1. Use your Fridays to make Monday more bearable.

Many professionals use Friday as a “catch-up” day to finish up any projects that need some loose ends tied up. Take it a step further and begin to plan the next work week before it even starts! Write down a list of tasks and goals for the week on Friday afternoon so that when you come in on Monday, you already have an idea of what to focus on.

Take it a step further on Fridays by asking yourself if there are any items on that task list that you can get a head start on. Don’t let your brain turn off for the weekend before starting (or even completing!) one of those tasks. You’ve won Monday morning before you’ve had your coffee!

2. Plan something (other than chores) for Sunday.

Take some time on Sunday to do something you actually enjoy. I love writing, and that’s why I write my blog posts on Sunday afternoons. It keeps my mind from worrying about the upcoming work week, and it really relaxes me.

Other things you can plan are a nice walk outside with the dog, lunch or dinner with a friend, a movie with your partner, or cooking your favorite meal. Stop freaking out about the task list that you may or may not have gotten to this weekend and spend some time actually relaxing. If you’ve spent ANY time of your weekend relaxing, you’ve already been more productive by taking care of yourself!

3. Focus more on the positives about Mondays.

Tackle Monday mornings on Sunday by practicing positive self talk. Find the things you really like about your job and put more focus on thinking about those things and creating more to look forward to. These positives can be anything from working on a fun project to enjoying the delicious (free) coffee from the office’s new coffee machine. 

Make your Mondays even better by building the habit of putting on a motivational podcast for your morning commute or grabbing a bagel from your favorite coffee joint on the way. Treating yourself isn’t only reserved for the weekends!

If you struggle with finding the positives of your job, change your focus to your longer-term professional goals. If you’re trying to get promoted, focus on the tasks you will complete this week to help you get there. If you’re looking at other opportunities, think about what you are and can be doing to gain new skills needed for another role.

4. Develop a relaxing routine to help you wind down.

Find something you can do on Sunday night to help you clear your head and transition to a productive week. I’m not saying to start a yoga and meditation routine, although that is one direction you can go! 

This routine should primarily focus on relaxation, and different people find different things to be relaxing. You might make some tea, take a bath, and watch YouTube videos, or you might go for a run. The important thing is that it’s some sort of structure to your night that helps you transition to more structure in your upcoming work week.

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5. Get plenty of sleep on Sunday nights.

Shooting for 8 hours of sleep might seem like a no-brainer, but it can be difficult to put into practice when your mind is racing and you can’t fall asleep. Make sure to turn off the electronic devices and get to bed a little earlier than usual on Sunday night to ensure that you’re able to start Monday off well-rested and energized. Some will carve out some time before bed to write down their thoughts in a journal to help clear their mind. Either way, remember that sleep is the best medicine, so make sure to prioritize that over your to-do list.

Although there are many great benefits of having a 9-to-5 job with a regular schedule, it also has its own setbacks. The American work culture is plagued with a lot of pressure on professionals to be ultra productive during their Monday-through-Friday work week. The Sunday Scaries may trouble most professionals, but there are ways to prevent them from cutting our weekends short!

[FREE Worksheet] How to Ask for a Raise in Your Annual Performance Review

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According to Harvard Business Review, men and women ask for raises just as frequently as one another. However, women who ask for a raise are successful 15% of the time, while men are successful 20% of the time. This may seem like a minimal difference, but when you think about this occurring every year, the differences can really add up. It’s more important than ever for women to keep asking for that raise each year (or at the conclusion of a successful project) in order to help close the gender pay gap. 

In my personal experience, women feel super uncomfortable with this conversation. At the request of one of my subscribers, I wanted to talk about some best practices for preparing for your annual review, which typically entails asking for a raise. As someone who has been on both sides of the table in this situation, I recommend spending a decent amount of time on preparing for your annual review by answering some questions about what you’ve spent time on since your last review.

Re-evaluate your official responsibilities.

Hopefully you have an official job description that explicitly outlines your responsibilities and metrics for success. How does this description align with what you have been spending time on this past year? Have you been doing more outside of your normal duties? Are there job responsibilities that you should pay more attention to? Don’t be afraid to highlight those as well, as you will want to come out of this review with a clear plan of action and list of goals. Plus, it shows that you’re dedicated to continuous improvement as an employee.

Additionally, take a look at your strong points. What part of your job have you done exceptionally well at? Identify some good characteristics that make you a strong member of the team.

What have you accomplished since your last review?

Take a good look at the major projects you’ve been working on in the past year. Which of these have been completed? What were the results for the organization? How many of these projects did you take a leading role on? Start by listing every project you can think of, then narrowing down the list to 3-5 major accomplishments that you can spend some time discussing.

Many supervisors tend to be data-driven, so highlight the projects that you have successful metrics on. Your managers will be impressed with any data that you’ve collected, especially if it hasn’t already been brought to their attention before. This helps further the case that you deserve a raise.

What goals did you set in your last review? Did you reach them?

If this isn’t your first performance review at your company, you probably have a list of goals that were set in your last review. Which of these goals did you reach? If applicable, you can also talk about how you helped any teammates reach their goals as well.

For the goals that you didn’t reach, why were you unsuccessful? This could be a good opportunity to get some guidance from management. However, there may be circumstances that were outside of your control that prevented you from reaching these goals, which leads us to the next question.

What resources do you need more of to do your job?

Your annual review is as much of a review of your managers’ performance as it is your own. Give honest feedback to your supervisor(s) about what resources or attention you need from them to help you reach your goals for the next year. 
This isn’t a time to be passive aggressive or complain about circumstances outside of the company’s control, however. Be respectful and constructive in your feedback, and you can’t go wrong. Any reasonable manager will appreciate honesty and action items of their own.

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What are some goals you can work on in the next year?

You’ll probably finalize these goals in conjunction with your supervisor(s) in your review, but it’s a good idea to go into it with some ideas. Again, this shows that you’ve put some thought and preparation into this review and that you’re dedicated to success.

Bring it all together and ask for the raise!

All that’s left now is to write down and practice how you will ask for a raise. Check out my free worksheet linked below that will help you work through each of these questions. Then, do some research on average salaries of other professionals in your area with similar roles. Use this to base your asking rate off of (and make sure to cite your sources when asking for the raise in your review).

You don’t want to go into your review without a number in mind. This is the time to be aggressive and confident! Your supervisor(s) will probably come back with a counter-offer, so don’t sell yourself short. 

Although many people find asking for a raise—or talking about money in general—super uncomfortable. The more you practice and take control of the situation, the easier it will become each year. Trust me,  your managers will love when you come into your reviews prepared. It not only helps the meeting run more smoothly, but reminds them why they hired you in the first place!

Free Annual Review Worksheet:

Fill out the form below to grab a free copy of my annual performance review worksheet!

Three Steps to Eliminating Impostor Syndrome

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If you’re a high-achieving professional that has ever doubted yourself and the accomplishments that you’ve made in your career, you have likely experienced impostor syndrome. First identified by scientists in the 1970s, impostor syndrome refers to a particular form of self-doubt: feeling like you’re unqualified for your current position, or that you’re a fraud or a failure despite evidence that proves otherwise. Even achievers like Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein showed signs of this phenomenon after all that they had accomplished in their lives. 

A 2011 study estimates that 70% of people will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lifetime. Beth Andrix Monaghan, CEO and Co-Founder of InkHouse, points out that this behavior often follows high-achieving women. This is due to an inherited societal prejudice against women in positions of power, causing us to scrutinize ourselves more closely for shortcomings and mistakes. 

Since I was promoted to my current position as Marketing Manager at Mobile Defenders, there have been plenty of times where I suffered from impostor syndrome. I felt like I only got where I am because of some sort of quota for women in management positions at the company. I know that no such quota exists, and that my ability to manage projects and connect with our customer base is what got me here. Even so, I would sometimes find myself wanting to perfect every single project that I touched in order to prove to others—and myself—that I earned my place in my leadership position.

What does Impostor Syndrome feel like?

If you Google “impostor syndrome”, you’ll probably stumble across a number of links to quizzes that will tell you if you suffer from this phenomenon. Really, though, it boils down to asking yourself some questions.

• Do you feel like you’ve somehow cheated to get to the position that you are in?

• Do you feel like you’re not qualified for your current position?

• Do you feel like a fraud and that it’s only a matter of time before people find you out?

• Do you feel like you’ve gotten where you are in your career because of chance or luck?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, it’s likely that you’ve suffered from impostor syndrome. 

Dr. Valerie Young is an expert in this phenomenon. She discovered that those suffering from impostor syndrome mainly fall into one of five categories:

1. The Perfectionist, who focuses on how something is done, and doesn’t rest until the task is 100% completed perfectly.

2. The Superwoman/man, whose concern is how many roles they can juggle at once, and measures success this way. 

3. The Natural Genius, who cares most about how and when things are completed, but also how easily this success is achieved. 

4. The Soloist, who is focused on who completes the task, and sees success in figuring things out and doing them alone.

5. The Expert is concerned about what and how much someone knows about something. They are similar to the perfectionist but are more focused on knowing everything about something.

It may not be as obvious to you which type of impostor syndrome you suffer from, and that’s okay. For me, I sometimes feel like I am a combination of all five of these personality types. Thankfully, there is a simple mindset change that can solve for any of these personality types. 

How can I overcome Impostor Syndrome?

Kara Loewentheil offers a great three-step process for dealing with impostor syndrome, but first, she explains what doesn’t solve impostor syndrome. Things like validation from others may provide some initial relief, but are typically immediately self-discounted. Additionally, telling yourself positive things like “I am really great at what I do” doesn’t work long-term when you don’t really believe it.

Kara’s solution requires victims of impostor syndrome to rewire their brain and their thoughts to gradually boost their self-confidence. Here is her three-step process, which she calls the Thought Ladder:

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1. First, pick one thought that you have about yourself. This can be something like “I am unqualified for my job” or “Everyone else in my department is so much smarter and more successful than me.” Stick with only one thought at a time, and put this thought at the bottom of the ladder.

2. Second, brainstorm your Goal Thought, or what you wish you really believed about yourself. Think of something like “I earned my way to this leadership position” or “I am just as successful, if not more successful, than everyone else in my department.” This Goal Thought goes at the very top of your ladder.

3. Lastly, think of thoughts you can start to believe right now. These can be a bit more neutral, but they help you work your way to believing your Goal Thought. These thoughts can be things like “I just had a really positive performance review” or “My supervisor promoted me to this position because I work hard.” These thoughts don’t have to make you feel incredible, but they can help you feel better than the thought at the bottom of your ladder. Think of them as a bridge between your current thought and your Goal Thought.

You can repeat this process with as many negative thoughts that you have. Write down your Ladder Thoughts where you can easily remember them, such as on your bathroom mirror or as a reminder on your phone. 

I had been a victim of the impostor syndrome without even realizing it. Even when I would receive praise and positive feedback from my peers and supervisors, I still struggled with believing that I was truly deserving of the praise. It helped to finally understand that this behavior is not only common amongst other professionals, but that there are steps that I can take to combat it. 

If you think you might have impostor syndrome, you’re not alone! Follow Kara’s three-step Thought Ladder process, and remind yourself every day that you’re better than your mind might have you believe.

"No Crying in the Office": How to be a Leader While Coping with Grief

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I lost my dad last month.

When we’re younger, we think about what it might be like when we have to say goodbye to our parents one day. For me, it always seemed so far away—farther than it really was. My dad had been sick for months, and we all knew that we would soon have to say goodbye. Even so, nothing could prepare me for this feeling. 

As a leader, it can be hard enough to leave work behind each day. It’s even harder to leave work behind for weeks while you mourn, spend time with family, and make any necessary funeral preparations. As someone who has recently been through this, I can tell you that you’ll feel really torn between work and family throughout the entire process.

Think of it this way, though: for me to be an effective leader for my team, I had to take some time for myself to properly heal. That way, when I returned to work, I would be able to better serve them than if I had tried to suppress the reality of what had happened. Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your team, especially one that needs a strong leader. If you don’t focus on healing, you won’t be as effective.

Here are some things that I learned throughout this process. I hope that they help you if and when you are going through a tough time. I also hope these things help you create a workplace that is safer for grief. After all, you are employing human beings.

It’s Okay (and a Good Idea) to Ask for Help

Some would describe me as a “Type A” kind of person. It’s really difficult for me to ask for help with anything. Whether it’s because I feel like I have something to prove, or if it’s because I don’t want to be a burden, I just hate asking people for things. I had to change my mindset about asking for help a few years ago.

Here’s what you can do: think about the joy that you feel when you help someone. Think about those really rewarding, happy feelings you get when someone’s face lights up and says “Thank you”. Now, imagine that when you don’t allow someone to help you, you’re preventing them from feeling that way. By refusing to accept help, you’re putting up a wall that prevents others from feeling really good. If you want to help others, let them help you!

When you’ve lost someone, your friends and coworkers will get really weird and might not know what to say or do. Just know that they truly want to help you, so ask them for help! Delegate any urgent tasks to the people on your team or your colleagues. Move back any meetings that you need to be present for. If you work directly with any clients, send an email explaining your situation and providing the contact information of someone on your team for them to connect with. Everyone will understand. Then, make sure you let everyone know how much you appreciate their help. 

The Grieving Process Takes Time

I took about a week and a half off from work to be with my family, plan for my dad’s funeral, and just be by myself. It wasn’t long enough. I wasn’t ready to go back to work when I did.

You’ll probably feel the same way when you go back to work, too. This is normal. 

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross explains the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. They are:

• Denial: refusing to accept the loss

• Anger: feeling frustrated with the situation, or with other situations

• Bargaining: thinking that changing something will reverse the loss

• Depression: feeling discouraged or unmotivated to do anything

• Acceptance: feeling more emotionally stable after coming to terms with the loss

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Not everyone experiences all of these stages, and not in this order either. The important thing to remember is that grief is a nonlinear process that affects everyone differently. As a professional, some may feel the need to disengage from work completely, while others will welcome distractions. I mostly lean to the latter, which brings me to the next thing that I learned.

Distractions Can be Good

Some of my colleagues begged me not to think about work, let alone answer an email. They meant well, but something I found through this process was that there were times where I really needed to focus on something else. As with anything, though, there needs to be a balance. Don’t fill all of your time with these distractions from reality. Rather, think about it like taking a break from taking a break. 

Whether you’re leading an individual that is coping with grief, or coping with grief yourself, it’s important to remain flexible. Don’t get mad or feel guilty about that email being answered. You (or your employee) need to listen to your body. It will take time before you can fully dive back in, but taking a break every once in a while to perform a small task can help with that transition.

Crying (or Not Crying) is Normal

I am a cryer. I still have flashbacks of my high school softball coach screaming “There’s no crying in baseball!” when I had a minor meltdown after a line drive sailed right past me at first base. Knowing this, I knew that I would cry a lot through this process—unpredictably at that. 

Like I said before, grief is a nonlinear process. A friend of mine shared an analogy about grief that I didn’t realize how accurate it was until I lost my dad. Imagine a ball in a box. There is a red button inside the box that represents the pain that comes with grief. In the beginning, the ball is huge and hits the button over and over again. Over time, the ball gets smaller, but that doesn’t stop it from hitting the button every once in a while, hurting just as much as before.

When the ball hits my button, I cry. Not everyone cries when they feel this pain or sadness, but it’s important to remember that it can’t always be predicted. I have cried at the office. I wish I hadn’t, but doing it was better than trying to suppress it. 

You may be a leader, but you’re also human. Crying in front of your coworkers or employees shouldn’t be seen as a sign of weakness. If you’re reading this, make a promise to yourself right now that you won’t think negatively of someone that cries at work. It’s not a sign of vulnerability—it’s a sign of humanity.

Things WILL Change, and You Need to Accept it

You’ve suffered a loss in your life, and your life will inevitably change. Nothing and no one will ever be able to replace my dad; I will miss him every single day. Losing him has changed my perspective on a lot of things, and has shaped me as a leader and a professional.

Marissa Levin wrote an amazing article for Inc. about how grief changes you as a leader. To summarize her beautiful words (which I suggest you read for yourself here), losing a loved one helps you gain a new perspective as a leader. You learn to appreciate time, to take risks, to be more compassionate, and to not sweat the small stuff. 

If you’re reading this because you lost a loved one (or have a relationship with someone who did), know that it’s normal to feel ill-prepared. We may be leaders, but we are also imperfect, emotional human beings. Whether you’re looking for comfort while coping with grief, or the tools to help you lead an employee that has suffered a loss, remember that you’re not alone. Asking for help, crying, or looking for a distraction are all ways that professionals can cope with grief. Keeping these things in mind will help you become a stronger and more compassionate leader too.

Five Tips for Women Working in a Male-Dominated Field

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In 2018, the Institute for Women’s Policy Research reported that male-dominated occupations have the tendency to pay more than women-dominated occupations. As it stands, more women work as nurses and teachers, and more men work as financial officers and engineers. However, a 2016 study shows that women’s job growth is highest in these male-dominated fields. This is great news, but women in transition to these industries will experience their own setbacks.

Catalyst lists some of these challenges for women working in a male-dominated workforce:

1. Being seen as a threat to the norm

2. Being seen as the “office housekeeper”

3. Having fewer mentoring opportunities

4. Having less of a voice

5. Experiencing a lack of support (both emotionally and financially)

6. Experiencing sexual harassment in the workplace

With all of these things stacked up against us working in a male-driven occupation, what can we possibly do? Here are a few tips that have helped me get by in a male-dominated industry.

Speak Up (A LOT)...

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the years I’ve worked in my current workplace, it’s that standing up for yourself and what you believe in is the most important thing you can do. Even if you feel you don’t have a voice in your company, you are in control of finding it. Remember that your insight is just as important as any of your other coworkers’. 

That’s not all, though; don’t be afraid of sounding harsh! Women that stand up for themselves are sometimes seen as “bossy”, whereas men that make the same moves aren’t. If you’re ever afraid of coming on too strong, just imagine what might happen if one of your male coworkers says the same thing. As you speak up and provide your honest opinion more and more, you will earn respect from the right people. 

...But Also, Listen

The best leaders are active listeners and learners. If you’re looking to earn respect and move up in your company, be sure to listen to what your coworkers have to say, especially those that have worked in your field for a long time. Those insights are crucial in helping you learn more, especially if you’re still new to the industry. Additionally, actively listening to some of the problems your coworkers or company is facing provides you with an opportunity to help brainstorm solutions. I’m a firm believer that collaboration—across all employee levels—breeds better work. 

Branch Out

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If you’re anything like me, you may work better under a strong female leader or mentor. In fact, a recent study by Peakon shows that companies led by women have happier workforces. Even if your company doesn’t have a female leader or potential mentor for you, that doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. Go to networking events in your community to meet and collaborate with other women in your field (or outside of your field). Mentors don’t always have to be part of the same workplace or industry as you. Look for someone that is where you’d like to be in the future, and see what you can learn from her. 

Learn to Brag

One of the biggest roadblocks I have faced in my current position hasn’t been an outside force at all—it has been myself. Especially earlier on in my career (and even today), I have struggled with my own self-confidence. As we’ve already covered: your insight is important! Don’t fall victim to imposter syndrome. One thing that has helped me get over this is learning to brag about myself. It sounds weird, but sometimes I practice by thinking to myself about all of the things I have been able to accomplish in my career. When you’re listing these accomplishments, remember that they’re YOUR accomplishments that YOU earned because YOU’RE awesome at what you do!

Think Like a Leader

Even if you’re still pursuing a leadership position at your company, you can still act as a great leader by engaging in high-level, thought-provoking conversations with your peers and leaders. Take the time to brainstorm new and creative solutions to problems that may even be outside of your typical area of supervision. I developed my company’s first marketing efforts when I was still working in customer service by taking the initiative to send out promotional email newsletters to our customers. Now, I’m leading the marketing efforts of four brands (and loving it way more than customer service). Step outside of your comfort zone to gain the attention of upper management. If you take a chance, they’ll be more likely to take a chance on you.

Catalyst reports that most women deal with a male-dominated workforce in one of three ways: keeping a distance from their colleagues, acting like “one of the boys”, or leaving the industry altogether. I hope that my tried-and-true tips help you move up in your industry without having to resort to one of those coping mechanisms. If it helps, remember that you’re working towards a more equal and inclusive workforce, and that’s really cool!