"No Crying in the Office": How to be a Leader While Coping with Grief

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Photo by Jorge Aguilar on Unsplash

I lost my dad last month.

When we’re younger, we think about what it might be like when we have to say goodbye to our parents one day. For me, it always seemed so far away—farther than it really was. My dad had been sick for months, and we all knew that we would soon have to say goodbye. Even so, nothing could prepare me for this feeling. 

As a leader, it can be hard enough to leave work behind each day. It’s even harder to leave work behind for weeks while you mourn, spend time with family, and make any necessary funeral preparations. As someone who has recently been through this, I can tell you that you’ll feel really torn between work and family throughout the entire process.

Think of it this way, though: for me to be an effective leader for my team, I had to take some time for myself to properly heal. That way, when I returned to work, I would be able to better serve them than if I had tried to suppress the reality of what had happened. Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do for your team, especially one that needs a strong leader. If you don’t focus on healing, you won’t be as effective.

Here are some things that I learned throughout this process. I hope that they help you if and when you are going through a tough time. I also hope these things help you create a workplace that is safer for grief. After all, you are employing human beings.

It’s Okay (and a Good Idea) to Ask for Help

Some would describe me as a “Type A” kind of person. It’s really difficult for me to ask for help with anything. Whether it’s because I feel like I have something to prove, or if it’s because I don’t want to be a burden, I just hate asking people for things. I had to change my mindset about asking for help a few years ago.

Here’s what you can do: think about the joy that you feel when you help someone. Think about those really rewarding, happy feelings you get when someone’s face lights up and says “Thank you”. Now, imagine that when you don’t allow someone to help you, you’re preventing them from feeling that way. By refusing to accept help, you’re putting up a wall that prevents others from feeling really good. If you want to help others, let them help you!

When you’ve lost someone, your friends and coworkers will get really weird and might not know what to say or do. Just know that they truly want to help you, so ask them for help! Delegate any urgent tasks to the people on your team or your colleagues. Move back any meetings that you need to be present for. If you work directly with any clients, send an email explaining your situation and providing the contact information of someone on your team for them to connect with. Everyone will understand. Then, make sure you let everyone know how much you appreciate their help. 

The Grieving Process Takes Time

I took about a week and a half off from work to be with my family, plan for my dad’s funeral, and just be by myself. It wasn’t long enough. I wasn’t ready to go back to work when I did.

You’ll probably feel the same way when you go back to work, too. This is normal. 

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross explains the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. They are:

• Denial: refusing to accept the loss

• Anger: feeling frustrated with the situation, or with other situations

• Bargaining: thinking that changing something will reverse the loss

• Depression: feeling discouraged or unmotivated to do anything

• Acceptance: feeling more emotionally stable after coming to terms with the loss

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Not everyone experiences all of these stages, and not in this order either. The important thing to remember is that grief is a nonlinear process that affects everyone differently. As a professional, some may feel the need to disengage from work completely, while others will welcome distractions. I mostly lean to the latter, which brings me to the next thing that I learned.

Distractions Can be Good

Some of my colleagues begged me not to think about work, let alone answer an email. They meant well, but something I found through this process was that there were times where I really needed to focus on something else. As with anything, though, there needs to be a balance. Don’t fill all of your time with these distractions from reality. Rather, think about it like taking a break from taking a break. 

Whether you’re leading an individual that is coping with grief, or coping with grief yourself, it’s important to remain flexible. Don’t get mad or feel guilty about that email being answered. You (or your employee) need to listen to your body. It will take time before you can fully dive back in, but taking a break every once in a while to perform a small task can help with that transition.

Crying (or Not Crying) is Normal

I am a cryer. I still have flashbacks of my high school softball coach screaming “There’s no crying in baseball!” when I had a minor meltdown after a line drive sailed right past me at first base. Knowing this, I knew that I would cry a lot through this process—unpredictably at that. 

Like I said before, grief is a nonlinear process. A friend of mine shared an analogy about grief that I didn’t realize how accurate it was until I lost my dad. Imagine a ball in a box. There is a red button inside the box that represents the pain that comes with grief. In the beginning, the ball is huge and hits the button over and over again. Over time, the ball gets smaller, but that doesn’t stop it from hitting the button every once in a while, hurting just as much as before.

When the ball hits my button, I cry. Not everyone cries when they feel this pain or sadness, but it’s important to remember that it can’t always be predicted. I have cried at the office. I wish I hadn’t, but doing it was better than trying to suppress it. 

You may be a leader, but you’re also human. Crying in front of your coworkers or employees shouldn’t be seen as a sign of weakness. If you’re reading this, make a promise to yourself right now that you won’t think negatively of someone that cries at work. It’s not a sign of vulnerability—it’s a sign of humanity.

Things WILL Change, and You Need to Accept it

You’ve suffered a loss in your life, and your life will inevitably change. Nothing and no one will ever be able to replace my dad; I will miss him every single day. Losing him has changed my perspective on a lot of things, and has shaped me as a leader and a professional.

Marissa Levin wrote an amazing article for Inc. about how grief changes you as a leader. To summarize her beautiful words (which I suggest you read for yourself here), losing a loved one helps you gain a new perspective as a leader. You learn to appreciate time, to take risks, to be more compassionate, and to not sweat the small stuff. 

If you’re reading this because you lost a loved one (or have a relationship with someone who did), know that it’s normal to feel ill-prepared. We may be leaders, but we are also imperfect, emotional human beings. Whether you’re looking for comfort while coping with grief, or the tools to help you lead an employee that has suffered a loss, remember that you’re not alone. Asking for help, crying, or looking for a distraction are all ways that professionals can cope with grief. Keeping these things in mind will help you become a stronger and more compassionate leader too.

The (Busy) Small Business Owner’s Guide to Social Media Marketing

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A recent report shows that internet users spend an average of 2 hours and 22 minutes each day on social media networks. As a small business owner, if you’re not also spending some time on these networks interacting with your customers and potential customers, you could be losing out on a much larger audience. 

Understandably, you’re also trying to develop and run your small business. It can seem pretty daunting to think about the hours you might need to pour into your social media efforts. However, streamlining your strategies to focus on the platforms that will give you the highest return will help you save time while still reaching a wider audience.

Why should I focus on Social Media Marketing?

Social media is ingrained into the daily activities of so many people today, and this number is only going to increase. It is estimated that by 2021, there will be over 3 billion social media network users worldwide.

You can accomplish a wide variety of goals by reaching and engaging with users on social media. Here are some examples:

• Generate brand awareness with an audience that otherwise wouldn’t have heard from you

• Increase customer engagement with your brand through thought-provoking conversations with potential customers

• Increase the number of leads that you can target in other ways

• Retarget and re engage with users that have visited your website in the past

• Promote new products or events to a more engaged audience

How do I find the time to be on Social Media?

There are plenty of opportunities to connect with users, as there are hundreds of social media platforms out there today. To be successful at Social Media Marketing, you don’t necessarily need to develop a presence for your business on every single one. Depending on your target customer, you may only choose 2 or 3 platforms to focus on, especially when you’re busy with getting your business started!

So, how do you know which platforms to focus on? Some may be obvious, while others could be your secret weapon. Take a look at the graph below to see which platforms other small business owners tend to focus on right now. Obviously, there are many more social media platforms out there than the ones listed, but this is a good start!

Remember, you won’t be able to focus on all social media networks on your own. Pick 2 or 3 to start with, and go from there.

Which social networks should I focus on?

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Ask yourself a few questions first to find out where to best reach your target audience. Who are they? Where do they spend most of their time online? If you haven’t already, build a profile of your target customer that lists their demographics, behaviors, problems, and interests. This will help give you a better idea of which social platform they are spending time on (and where you should spend your time on, too).

Let’s take a quick look at some of the most popular social media platforms to help you decide if your target customers are there.

Facebook

Facebook has 2.41 billion monthly active users, 2.2 billion of which spend their time browsing the platform on their mobile phones. It is without a doubt the biggest social media platform. It’s safe to say that a good portion of your target customers is spending time on Facebook.

Facebook can help you achieve plenty, if not all, of the goals listed earlier. With the ability to create events, join groups, and run ads as a page, having a presence on Facebook is a great first step for your business.

Create a business page and make sure to update it with all of your business’ information, such as your website, address, phone number, etc. Then, make sure you’re posting to your page on a regular basis to engage with your fans and followers. You can reach a wider audience by boosting posts or running ads.

Instagram

If your research shows that many of your potential customers are instagram users, this is great news! It turns out, 80% of Instagram accounts follow a business profile. Instagram actually has the highest engagement out of any of the listed platforms, with engagement rates that are 58% higher than Facebook and a whopping 2000% higher than Twitter. 

To be successful on Instagram, start thinking about investing some time into getting high-quality shots of your product or service in action. Your posts should focus on the visual aspect of your offerings. One way to accomplish this once you have a strong customer base is to ask your customers to post pictures of your product on their profiles so that you can repost them on your page. Make sure to ask permission and give credit!

Video posts and Instagram Stories are other great ways for businesses to engage with customers on the platform. You can repurpose this content from YouTube or Facebook videos too.

YouTube

Creating a YouTube channel is a great idea if you offer a product or service that requires a demonstration or explanation. You can also share customer video testimonials or interviews. 

Tag your videos with keywords that will help your target customers find your videos. Use consistent branding in your videos, and engage with viewers by replying to questions and comments. 

Twitter

Twitter is considered by some as a micro-blogging platform, with a 280-character limit for posts. 

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Many brands use Twitter to simply start a conversation with their customer base. If you’re a consumer-facing company, you might find some return on your efforts on Twitter. However, keep in mind that you’ll get out of it what you put into it. Many suggest tweeting 3 times a day to gain enough visibility and traction on your account. Use hashtags to increase your engagement; just don’t overdo it.

LinkedIn

If you’re a B2B company, you might find that LinkedIn is a great place to engage with your target audience and grab more leads. In fact, 79% of B2B Marketers say that LinkedIn is an effective tool for generating leads. 

Post about what’s going on in your industry, your latest blog post, or a thought-provoking question that many of your customers have. Like Twitter, LinkedIn allows users to follow hashtags that interest them. Be sure to use hashtags in your posts to gain more views and engagement. 

Snapchat

If you’re targeting a younger audience, marketing on Snapchat is a great idea to reach that audience. In the US, about 90% of 13-24 year olds are using Snapchat today. This platform is huge, with over 14 billion daily video views. 

Create a Snapchat account for your brand, and start posting videos to your story. You can repurpose content from your YouTube or Instagram videos or just take them on your smartphone. Make sure to promote your account on other platforms so that your target audience knows to follow you. 

Don’t forget that as a growing business, it’s just not feasible for you to have a strong presence on every single social media account out there—at least not right away. Start by creating a few accounts that make the most sense for you, don’t be afraid to cross-post to multiple networks, and be sure to engage with your followers that engage with your brand. Soon, you’ll start seeing more and more traffic to your website, and people will trust your brand enough to make a purchase!

[FREE Checklist] Launch a New Product in Six Simple Steps

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Whether you’re a B2B service provider or develop and sell products to consumers, it’s important to have a documented plan when you have a new product or service to launch to your customer base. If you want this new product to be successful, you don’t want to leave anything to chance. This new product is an opportunity to reach more customers and delight your current ones. Take a look at my very basic step-by-step guide on how to launch a new product or service successfully.

1. Do your research

2. Find the benefit(s)

3. Write down goals

4. Make your customer the hero

5. Develop your plan

6. Execute!

Do Your Research

The first—and probably most important—step in launching your new product or feature is to perform market research. This doesn’t have to be a super intensive process. Reach out to 10 of your existing customers or prospective customers and ask a few questions about their problems and pain points as it might relate to your business. If you offer an accounting service for business owners, you will probably ask them about any issues they run into when they file their taxes. If you’re a massage therapist or chiropractor, you might ask this person about the actual pain points in their body.

Don’t forget to be specific! You have a list of questions to ask them in front of you, but if you need clarification or would like your prospect to expand on something, make sure to ask them. After all, you’re just having a conversation with them!

What you’re trying to find out is what specifically your target audience needs. If they start a sentence with “I wish I could…” or “Why can’t this do this…” make sure to write down what they say. You’ll soon understand what they’re really looking for. 

Find the Benefit(s)

Now that you have an idea of your customers’ and prospects’ issues, you can find out the best way to help them with these issues. Ask yourself this: how is the product or service you’re offering going to help them solve their problems? (Psst: Notice how I said “HELP THEM solve THEIR problems”... this will help you with step 4.)
Your new product or feature may only solve one problem for your customers, and that’s okay. You just need to make sure that the problem is a big enough pain point for them to generate the right amount of excitement.

Write Down Goals

A product launch without goals could result is a misaligned vision, even if you’re a one-person team. According to Coschedule, people who set their goals are 376% more successful. It’s important to identify your goals for this launch to help shape your message and strategy. This will also help you determine success and know what works—and what doesn’t work—in communicating with your customers.

Most goals can be categorized into four main groups:

1. Lead generation - Finding prospects

2. Brand Awareness - Getting prospects to know about you

3. Brand Consideration - Getting prospects to consider buying from you

4. Sales - Getting prospects to buy from you

Additionally, make sure your goals are SMART goals. SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. Here is an example of a great SMART goal to break down this concept:

Most product launches focus on one specific goal, but you can have more than one. Just don’t go overboard!

Make Your Customer the Hero

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A colleague of mine recently introduced me to StoryBrand Marketing, and it has honestly changed the way I develop campaign messaging ever since. It’s a paid workshop for marketers, but the basic premise is to make your customer the hero of your story. In step 2 you found out how you can HELP your customer solve THEIR problem. That’s the message you want to send!

Here is an example of a customer-focused message that I developed for one of my clients, a chiropractor in Grand Rapids, Michigan:

“Providing you with the tools to achieve total wellness.”

Think of your product as the guide that helps your customer (the hero) face a particular issue. This change in mindset better recognizes your customer’s journey to solve their problems, and ultimately creates more trust in your brand. 

Develop Your Plan

You’ve got the information, the basic messaging, and the goals for success. The last step before launch is to plan your marketing campaign! What are the specific tactics and tools you will use to get the message about your product or service out there? Here are some ideas:

• Email Newsletters

• Social Media

• Calling Campaign

• Website Banner Ads

• Website Blog Posts

• Influencer Marketing

• Event Marketing

• Webinars

Where do your customers spend their time looking for information or solutions to their problems? These places are where you should focus your efforts. Set up a way to track the success of each platform or tactic you use. That way you will know for the next launch which tactics you need to invest more time and money into.

Execute the Launch

Congratulations! You’ve set yourself up for success by writing down a plan for your product launch. All that is left now is to execute your launch and monitor its success. Then, have another conversation with those prospects you spoke with in the beginning. Did your product or service solve their problem? What kind of feedback do they have for next time? Your loyal customers want to see you succeed. Ask them questions about how you can reach more people like them. They will be more than happy to help!

Are you preparing for a product launch? Download my free product launch checklist to walk you through your next big product launch today!

Five Tips for Women Working in a Male-Dominated Field

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In 2018, the Institute for Women’s Policy Research reported that male-dominated occupations have the tendency to pay more than women-dominated occupations. As it stands, more women work as nurses and teachers, and more men work as financial officers and engineers. However, a 2016 study shows that women’s job growth is highest in these male-dominated fields. This is great news, but women in transition to these industries will experience their own setbacks.

Catalyst lists some of these challenges for women working in a male-dominated workforce:

1. Being seen as a threat to the norm

2. Being seen as the “office housekeeper”

3. Having fewer mentoring opportunities

4. Having less of a voice

5. Experiencing a lack of support (both emotionally and financially)

6. Experiencing sexual harassment in the workplace

With all of these things stacked up against us working in a male-driven occupation, what can we possibly do? Here are a few tips that have helped me get by in a male-dominated industry.

Speak Up (A LOT)...

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the years I’ve worked in my current workplace, it’s that standing up for yourself and what you believe in is the most important thing you can do. Even if you feel you don’t have a voice in your company, you are in control of finding it. Remember that your insight is just as important as any of your other coworkers’. 

That’s not all, though; don’t be afraid of sounding harsh! Women that stand up for themselves are sometimes seen as “bossy”, whereas men that make the same moves aren’t. If you’re ever afraid of coming on too strong, just imagine what might happen if one of your male coworkers says the same thing. As you speak up and provide your honest opinion more and more, you will earn respect from the right people. 

...But Also, Listen

The best leaders are active listeners and learners. If you’re looking to earn respect and move up in your company, be sure to listen to what your coworkers have to say, especially those that have worked in your field for a long time. Those insights are crucial in helping you learn more, especially if you’re still new to the industry. Additionally, actively listening to some of the problems your coworkers or company is facing provides you with an opportunity to help brainstorm solutions. I’m a firm believer that collaboration—across all employee levels—breeds better work. 

Branch Out

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If you’re anything like me, you may work better under a strong female leader or mentor. In fact, a recent study by Peakon shows that companies led by women have happier workforces. Even if your company doesn’t have a female leader or potential mentor for you, that doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. Go to networking events in your community to meet and collaborate with other women in your field (or outside of your field). Mentors don’t always have to be part of the same workplace or industry as you. Look for someone that is where you’d like to be in the future, and see what you can learn from her. 

Learn to Brag

One of the biggest roadblocks I have faced in my current position hasn’t been an outside force at all—it has been myself. Especially earlier on in my career (and even today), I have struggled with my own self-confidence. As we’ve already covered: your insight is important! Don’t fall victim to imposter syndrome. One thing that has helped me get over this is learning to brag about myself. It sounds weird, but sometimes I practice by thinking to myself about all of the things I have been able to accomplish in my career. When you’re listing these accomplishments, remember that they’re YOUR accomplishments that YOU earned because YOU’RE awesome at what you do!

Think Like a Leader

Even if you’re still pursuing a leadership position at your company, you can still act as a great leader by engaging in high-level, thought-provoking conversations with your peers and leaders. Take the time to brainstorm new and creative solutions to problems that may even be outside of your typical area of supervision. I developed my company’s first marketing efforts when I was still working in customer service by taking the initiative to send out promotional email newsletters to our customers. Now, I’m leading the marketing efforts of four brands (and loving it way more than customer service). Step outside of your comfort zone to gain the attention of upper management. If you take a chance, they’ll be more likely to take a chance on you.

Catalyst reports that most women deal with a male-dominated workforce in one of three ways: keeping a distance from their colleagues, acting like “one of the boys”, or leaving the industry altogether. I hope that my tried-and-true tips help you move up in your industry without having to resort to one of those coping mechanisms. If it helps, remember that you’re working towards a more equal and inclusive workforce, and that’s really cool!